Religion and its Aftermath

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When I was at school, probably in the 7th standard, applying for public examination hall tickets was a big deal! Applicants’ information had to be precise….’cuz if we screwed it up…the repercussions were endless visits to the board of secondary school offices. Most of my teachers always made sure that I got my name right, every year a new teacher… weird isn’t it? Now, why would I get my name wrong? But my teachers were a little skeptical basically because I had a Hindu first name and a Muslim surname…since my mother is a Hindu and my father a Muslim. Most teachers did not even know if such a name existed…what it meant.  But, never before in my life did I feel like I was different to others…like I was not normal…probably a little ashamed as well…especially when it came to filling the section which asked which religion I belonged to…do I tick Hinduism or Islam? I used to hate that part and still do. My friends never had any such problems and I did not want to ask my teachers for advise or suggestions since it meant telling them my life story which in turn gave me unduly attention.

My parents never brought me up a ‘certain way’. They are not religious people and I grew up speaking Telugu (my mother tongue), applied bindi and went to Temples occasionally with friends. My mother remained a Hindu; she wore her Mangalsutra and bindis too. So my brother and I basically were ‘non-religious’. My father rarely goes to the mosque and most people get a shock of their lives when they come to know he is a Muslim. He is a Hyderabadi but speaks fluent Telugu and that confuses people a lot.

If once I was a little embarrassed that I did not have a sense of belonging towards any religion, I have grown up to be a person proud of my heritage. My aversion with religion started with the demolition of Babri Masjid and the riots that followed. We were living in Hyderabad then and I cannot forget the sense of fear in me. Scared to go out and buy food, wondering if anyone would come home and hurt my family…wondering if my mom could be hurt if Muslims came home or if my dad could get hurt if Hindus came home. There was curfew in the city and the tension was high. A local cable TV network continuously broadcasted images of the demolition of the masjid along with Shri Ram’s Devotional songs. The tension was high. My father rushed to the cable TV network’s office and asked him not to show scenes that could easily instigate people. But the operator was adamant and continued to show the pictures. My father did not have any other option but to confiscate his equipment and bring it home. That night remains one of my scariest nights’ till date. I was sure that some religious fanatics would come home and definitely hurt my dad….but it went without any incident. My father’s relatives who live in the ‘Old City’ of Hyderabad had some horrific tales of violence to share with us…which only scared me even more.

The riots ended gradually and life came back to normal. Since then, I never found it important to associate myself with any religion.  But for some it is very important and I never really understood why. Why would someone want to associate themselves to something that is so violent, something that is only used to kill and increase distance between people.

I believe that my parents symbolize what India is all about. We are ‘supposed’ to be a secular country so when there are inter-religious marriages, it is an institution to look up to and not to be sneered at.

Some tell me that religion is a way of life, a discipline….but these words do not have any value for me now. I have only seen people fighting, killing in the name of religion. Religion has only been used to hurt others and not unite people in love and peace. Probably, once upon a time, religion meant discipline, obedience but now it’s been diluted and used when and where possible to satisfy humans selfish needs. It is used only to divide and destroy people’s lives. I believe in God, but I am not ready to believe that different religions have different Gods and that if I pray to one God, the other God(s) will get angry. My God is Universal and I pray for peace everyday.

What Life Throws at You

I just couldn’t get myself to write the last few days. I was disturbed, angry, sad and most of all helpless. One bad day and it spoils remaning six days. Even if you try really hard to block ‘it’ from your head…you cannot. You want to help people by making them understand how things work…but you can’t. You are scared that it could spoil the health of people you love, but do not know how you could explain this to them. Your mind is muddled-up. You feel it’s going to burst if you think about ‘it’ anymore. Everything good that happens to people around you suddenly makes you jealous. You wonder why good things aren’t happening to you anymore.

People who care about you try and console you…but you still can’t stop thinking about ‘it’. You wonder why life cannot be simple…where you have problems but can be solved easily, where your prayers are answered. Then, after a few days of sulking, thinking, you make up your mind to be strong. You know that the only way to be happy is to be satisfied with what you have and not what you don’t have. You pray to God and put all the burden on His/Her shoulders…reminding him that he/she is the one who is supposed to take care things.

And then you start to relax…but life is a Biatch…and it throws s*** at you again and again…and gradually you get used to it. You learn to tackle it…you learn to work out your life with the problems involved in it…you no more think of God solving your problems. You suddenly realise that it is YOU who will have to take care of things. You realise that you will always have problems….everyone does…but if you have the support of loved ones…you can face anything and most of the time you will come out of it successfully. You’d then just pray to God asking him to take of the ones you love.

I don’t know if it is my harmones talking…’cuz I know most of it sounds like some random ramble. I don’t expect anyone to get the gist of what I have just written…but if anyone did…leave a comment..encouraging ones 😀 because if you don’t…I am ready with a broomstick in my hand 😀

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